Monday, September 7, 2009

Pressure In My Lower Abdomen With Peeing A Lot



I closed my eyes. Surprisingly, not to put anything into that limbo between sleep and wakefulness. I hear outside sounds muffled and distant, but I have full knowledge of me. A feeling began to make space in me, becoming stronger, more defined: fear. My body is immobilized, but I'm smiling. This time I am aware, is beginning! I feel the fear invade my whole body, but I know it's normal, I'm ready to go. Now I know what it is, and even fear itself, yet so strong, I'm not afraid anymore.
begins to move, as to want to sit. But I know they are absolutely still. Keep moving, almost unbearable in that mixture of elation and fear. Everything is confused, dark ... But it is normal: it is night. And 'as if, by dint of wanting sat up, go down, but instead I'm lifting, I'm seconding . As long as I turn around, and the mess that I see, I see myself. What a nice feeling to not have more weight!
I really want to go, but I still can not. So I came back. I'll be back in me.
open my eyes for a brief moment, as if about to fall out of bed, but now they close it and start to dream. And dream of you.
remember only the final part of the dream: we were invited to a wedding, it was early morning and I was changing. I do not know why, at that point in the dream I was outside in a dirt clearing, the former type distributor abandoned gas station. My clothes were placed on a low wooden stool painted red. You had to get changed too, but I knew it was inside the house (you had not seen it yet, but I knew that you were there). At one point I turned and saw a luxury car all polished, very dark. Not really black, but almost. Inside there you are.
I greet you with a "Hey" smiling, but you do not answer to my greeting, nor to my smile. You look at me intently in the eye with an expression which transpire feel pain, anger, extreme tiredness. Try to tell me something, but nothing comes out of your mouth, not a single sound. I see you almost breathe with difficulty, I understand what you have inside is too big and heavy so you can speak. The smile has since disappeared from my face, and my time I look at you intensely. I feel we are really talking, even if we do not say anything: I hear what you have inside you, you hear what I have inside me. Then I see you go, and I will follow with his eyes. I do not know how, but I know you're coming home to get changed, but then I wake up. I still have before my eyes that look. So that is the same that I would see if I was really in front, or if I was in front at this time.
I do not think I've felt closer to you, I do not think I heard you closer to me as during the dream, while that exchange of looks hopeless without speaking. Perhaps the only time I really understood.
you do not talk, but you told me everything. I've heard. Now I know.
you gave me your pain, you showed me in his true face, and I had to go through and overcome the fear to be able to accept. I will have handed over my fear, I harnessed and imprisoned in a strange Pandora's box that only you could deliver. We created the custodians of our darkness.
And darkness is not cheating, you should not, you can not.
E 'perhaps the most authentic of us: trade or kill, destroy us.
I am a fool, but a part of me believes that you have made my own dream. Practically impossible, it is just another one of my delusions. Whatever
has happened, I will take with me that look: a universe to defend ... Your darkest part clearly in the early morning sun ... The

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